If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?
My parents thought long and hard to find 4 names that started with the same letter and ended with the same letter- alliteration if you will! The best part is that we have the same initials and the worst part is our initials are the same. IYKYK.
Back in the day, my school was the only convent school in the locality we lived in and this meant that it was the only school that taught its students the ‘Queen’s English’. Dad was particular that we learn and study in an ‘English medium’ school and ensured we got admission into the same school. The first few years were a lot of fun. I had new class teachers every year, and they had no family history or background on me. We ‘discovered’ our likes and dislikes over the year and once it was done, we each went our separate ways. And then I moved into middle school, grades 6& 7 to be precise. The teachers here were ‘experienced’ in the sense that they had been with the school since it started and had taught the older siblings as well. I used to skim under the radar in all my classes, if I did not feel like answering a question, or if I did not want to study or had not done my homework, then I did not raise my hand to answer questions in class. But, in grades 6 and 7 all my classmates were also in the same situation. The difference between us was that I was part of a chain, so when the teacher posed a question and saw that no one raised their hands, then, the name-calling started. The questions in my class were always first addressed to the oldest sibling, then the second one, and eventually, she would refer to the register and use the correct name. This process took five minutes and she would frown by the time she came to my name. I don’t know why she used to frown, I hope she did not expect me to respond to the siblings’ names. Or maybe she did. We never addressed this particular question. Of course, even being called your siblings’ names in class is worth it, if you get some freebies out of it, like a choice of the events you could participate in the inter-school fests, or generic appreciation messages in your notebooks. Even a ‘well done!’ Would have been acceptable. All I managed was a, “I expect so much more from you!”. My examinations were an evaluation of my abilities as against my siblings’ achievements not against those of my peers. And yet, school was a lot of fun! The best part of this, “studying in the same school’ was we all learned grammar the ‘Wren and Martin’ way, and the worst part of this was that your teacher had high expectations from you based on your sibling’s performance. Complaints to the principal’s office went in the siblings’ names, which were never written in my class register. The sliver of silver that surrounds the grey cloud of complaints.
And then I came to college. Proxy – getting one and giving one to a friend is a ‘rite of passage’. To succeed at giving proxies, you had to either have your name called right at the beginning or right at the end. And you had to have a fairly common name. The way Dad had named us, my name was right in the middle of the register. And to add insult to injury, it was unique. The lecturers always paused at my name for a breath and lifted their eyes to make eye contact. The trauma of it all! My younger sibling always cursed me saying that because of me she never could bunk classes or get proxies- I should’ve told her then, that the fault lies in the alphabet and position in the attendance register. But, as one of the middle kids, the one thing I had learned well was to keep trying. I never give up. And that was something I tried all through my 6 years in college getting better towards the end only to realize that the responsibility of ‘catching up’ on the bunked sessions was only mine.
The grass on the other side is green. I always assumed things would be different when I started work, but the funny part is that when I started work, I met a lot of folks from various backgrounds. My name was written differently, spelled differently, and pronounced differently by every one of them. In school, I only had to contend with the one teacher who ensured she got the spelling right because it was copied from the birth certificate. But at work, my colleagues used their discretion and experience and I had so many variations that I started using the initials to keep my life simple.
And then I met the gynecologist, who never saw beyond their profession. My name changed. And this time it hit the bottom. I continue to go by the initials because I don’t want to hear my name butchered and I don’t have the patience to walk you through a phonics class. I have often heard of folks insisting on being called by their name correctly, and to them, I only say, ‘Do something so remarkable, that others are forced to remember your name’.
My older kid knew my name and could manage to say it even as a toddler, but the younger kid refused to try my name. In his preschool, there was a lady who cared for him and he learned to say her name before he learned to say mine. Prathiba was the name he learned first. For a portion of that year, he would start by saying her name and then would realize and then change it to finish with my name. Mum had the best laughs because she discovered that he did not know my name but was very good with his father’s name which is all two syllables long.
Today, after all the experiences I have had with my name, I can tell you that it’s because I have such a unique name that I have so many stories to share. Ideally, I would like to remain who I am, but, if I HAD TO change my name, it would start in the first few letters of the alphabet and be 2 or 3 syllables long. If I had to list the names, then it would be Maya, Amaya, and Kiran for a girl and Rudra and Kiran for a boy. Anita and Akhila are favorites too. Dad’s friend Anita Aunty always had a hug for me and she always smelled good, draped her sari well, and carried herself so effortlessly. But I think the woolly-haired doll she gifted me made her my favorite. And Akhila, I just like the way it rolls off the tongue. That being said, the name change options only work when there is an absolute necessity because as of now, I cannot identify with a name that is not mine.
Just a little more 