Mamma said

What’s the oldest thing you own that you still use daily?

Metaphors. I’ve been raised with quite a few, here are the two I used on my kids and their counters to mine. A progressive generation- these kids. I never had a comeback for Mum’s metaphors. I dared never to have one. But, this new generation not just has comebacks but the courage to counter in a far more conciliatory tone than mine would have been if I had dared to respond.

I dislike late bedtimes because they lead to late wakeups and that delays my plans for the day. So every time the kids did something that delayed the bedtime I used to nag them with, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise” and that’s how the fights usually started with the kids insisting if it were true, then I should be a millionaire today since I practice this belief regularly enough to preach about it. So, then I moved to, “The early bird gets the worm” and the kids came back with the obvious fact that they were not birds looking for worms. Eventually, the kids returned with the fact that this was their home and they should be allowed to sleep in as long as they wanted. My argument since then has moved into the realms of discipline and the importance of having a regular circadian rhythm. I’ve often thought about this particular aspect of parenting – establishing habits, especially the one related to going to bed early and waking up at the crack of dawn. “Mum, I only have you to thank for this!”

கழுத்தே தீஞ்சு கட்டெறும்பு ஆச்சு

When I was just a little girl, I remember sitting next to her while studying for my examinations. She would open my pencil box and find a pencil stub and would pat my back saying, கழுத்தே தீஞ்சு கட்டெறும்பு ஆச்சு translated to ‘Kālattēya tēñcu katterembu aachu’, meaning that I had worn out the pencil by overusing it. Mum belonged to a generation that used to preserve and utilize their resources wisely, and I belonged to the generation that liked to sharpen pencils and use pencil shavings for craft activities. In our house, Mum only got us one box of HB pencils for the entire year we were instructed to use judiciously. I used to start the year by ensuring that all my pencils in that box were sharpened and ready to use. Then I would pick out a pencil every week, and ensure it was completely used by Friday evening. Examinations and evaluations were scheduled every 2 months, and by this time I would have gone through the entire box of pencils. I only came and sat with Mum for studies a week before my exams. Mum insisted that we work on our handwriting and she used to ensure we always had access to cursive handwriting books even during school vacations. If our handwriting was not neat, she would sit behind us and hold our hand while we held the pencil and make us write the words in neat cursive writing. For this to work, the pencil had to be at least ¾ its original length, but I used to always only have pencil stubs in my box. She believed that pencil stubs did not help you have neat handwriting, and when she found that all I had left were stubs of pencils stuffed into the backs of pens to extend their length and thereby their usage she would pat my back in frustration. I have rewritten a lot of my class notes a second time even after it was evaluated and marked by the teacher because Mum did not like how I had formed the letters. Mum never gave me access to a sharpener or blade to keep in the box because she knew that I liked to sharpen the pencils and use the shavings in my arts and crafts activities.

கோலத்தோடேய் கொச்சிண்டு குண்டி அழும்பாத போனவன்

Mum never used adjectives when she described us to anyone. I was never anything other than what she called me at home and that is how she always spoke to me or about me to anyone else. Mum and I had a lot of arguments growing up and a direct result of the arguments would be me trying to irk her further by not eating or drinking milk. Now, the most important thing here is that I love milk. I really loved my milk. And I never sacrificed my milk for anything or anyone. So, not drinking my milk was my form of revolt and this is when Mum would say கோலத்தோடேய் கொச்சிண்டு குண்டி அழும்பாத போனவன் translated to Kōlattōṭēy kocciṇṭu kuṇṭi aḻumpāta pōṉavaṉ, meaning Cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face. The funny part of this used to be the fact that I would get even more riled up when she used this metaphor. For instance, I would ask her for permission to wear a particular slipper to play and she would refuse stating it was something you wear to go out and not to run around playing on the streets, so I would just go out to play without any footwear, causing more harm to myself. She was always firm about what she would let me do and what she would not, and if she said no, then there was no way she would change her mind. She never called me stubborn although that would be the best word to describe my behaviour. And if she could help it, she would never let us be a martyr. She would coax and cajole us into eating our food or drinking our milk but never insulted us or made us feel embarrassed in front of an audience.

வாயிலே என்ன கொழக்கத்தேய

Mum, when she got angry, was a freight train without any breaks, she would go on a rampage and scream and shout and vent it all out immediately. She would encourage discussions and even counterarguments on occasion, but there were times when she asked you a rhetorical question that questioned your sanity and maturity and these were times you never responded. This was a test, Mum was testing us to see if we had wisened up after the faux pas and if we responded, then it would incite her further about how we haven’t learned anything from our mistakes. But if we didn’t respond then she would respond with, வாயிலே என்ன கொழக்கத்தேய translated to Vāyilē eṉṉa koḻakkattēya meaning is ‘You aren’t talking because you have a kozhakattey (sweet dish) stuffed in your mouth?’

These were Mum’s top three metaphors that I continue to use with the kids when I get angry with them. Mum never raised her hand at us and never let me raise my hands on the kids either. So these metaphors are the oldest things I own, that I still use even today. Here’s one of those Oral traditions, we follow but never realize or give credit to. I may not have the exact analogies on when I have used them or when Mum used them and that’s probably cause I could never imagine a situation where it had to be used against me. But, here they are with a generic situation where they were used. And let me know if you have a few you grew up with that you use for the next generation.

I do wish Mum was around to write the script correctly, this is merely my version from Google Translate.